Grey’s Anatomy: Doctor or High Schooler?
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Meredith Grey
Doctor: Showed a steady hand and calming leadership during that whole upside-down ambulance crash episode.
High Schooler: Slept with her Attending before her first day on the job, spent the better part of the season ignoring a fellow doctor simply because she was her sister, and enjoyed a truly heroic habit of making each and every case that crossed her path into a metaphor for her own emotional mess of a life.
Diagnosis: High Schooler.
Derek Shepherd
Doctor: Seemingly performs heretofore impossible brain surgeries on a weekly basis. Fixed Dr. Burke’s hand, despite some later tremors.
High Schooler: Slept with one of his interns before her first day on the job. Allowed his disintegrating marriage to spill out all over Seattle Grace for the better part of a year. Used surgeries as mere excuses for making eyes at once-anonymous nurses.
Diagnosis: It’s a close call, but all that neuro expertise can’t outweigh the amount of duh-rama he brings into the O.R.: High Schooler.
George O’Malley
Doctor: Performed solo heart surgery on a man in an elevator, making him something of a star among interns. Helped deliver Bailey’s baby with minimal staring at her vajayjay.
High Schooler: Allowed his disintegrating marriage to spill out all over Seattle Grace for the better part of a year, ultimately resulting in him failing his intern exam. Gave Meredith the silent treatment after their tragic one-night stand.
Diagnosis: George’s commitment to doing his intern year over again tips the scales for him: Doctor.
Izzie Stevens
Doctor: HA!
High Schooler: Okay, come on, though. If the entire Denny escapade where she threw her medical career away for a boy wasn’t enough, she also engaged in a rivalry with Cristina to be Hahn’s teacher’s pet, and even challenged Callie to a fight in the cafeteria.
Diagnosis: This one’s not even fair: High Schooler.
Cristina Yang
Doctor: We’re always hearing how Cristina is the most hardcore of the Seattle Grace interns-cum-residents, but doesn’t it seem like she’s always getting crowded out of the big surgeries so the other ones can prove themselves?
High Schooler: Cristina may not have wasted much time hopping on top of Preston Burke, but she’s the only one who has managed to learn anything close to a lesson about workplace dalliances.
Diagnosis: Doctor, though she could use a few more shining moments.
Callie Torres
Doctor: No-bull orthopedic surgeon who was the kind of rock star doctor that the likes of Cristina always aspired to…at first. The last year has seen Callie lose all her confidence as her marriage and career have circled the drain.
High Schooler: She got sucked into the vortex of George and Izzie’s suckage, yes, but she set herself up for a rivalry with the pretty blonde cheerleader enough on her own.
Diagnosis: So long as she rebounds as a hardcore ortho-divorcee, she’ll be a Doctor again.
Dr. Richard Webber
Doctor: He’s the Chief of Surgery at a major metropolitan hospital, so he’s got to have the skills, right?
High Schooler: Crashed on the couch in his office for a while after his wife left him; experimented with ill-advised hairstyles; consistently tries to suck up to cool kids Derek and Mark.
Diagnosis: Sorry, Chief. That hair thing was a dead giveaway: High Schooler.
Alex Karev
Doctor: Alex tries very hard to be all about business, and he kind of kicked ass as Addison’s gyno intern.
High Schooler: More than almost anybody else, Alex is prone to getting his feelings hurt and letting it affect the job, and he’s second only to Meredith in making every case about him and his emotional pain.
Diagnosis: We walks a fine, fine line, but he retains Doctor status for now.
Miranda Bailey
Doctor: Perhaps the most medicine-focused doctor at Seattle Grace; aside from her numerous surgical triumphs, she also opened a free clinic and managed to instruct, guide, and discipline her residents rather than have sex with them.
High Schooler: She let her competition with Callie for Chief Resident get petty and squabbly. Brought her marriage troubles into the office, though that’s kind of on her husband.
Diagnosis: It’s going to take a lot more than that to wrest the mantle of World’s Best Doctor from Bailey’s hands.
Mark Sloan
Doctor:For all his sleaze and womanizing and arrogance, Mark’s pretty on-point as a surgeon. Among other things, he fixed Jane Doe/Ava’s face after it was smashed to pieces.
High Schooler: Nobody acts like is a big man on an actual campus more than Mark.
Diagnosis: Surprisingly, he’s a Doctor.
Lexie Grey
Doctor: She’s merely an intern, but she managed to soldier through her reticence to care for Seth Green and his neck hemorrhage.
High Schooler: Lots of sisterly drama with Meredith, but in Lexie’s defense, her end of that was mostly an effort to have Meredith actually speak to her at work.
Diagnosis: Doctor. In training.
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